Twat-o-Tron V2.0


by Unity    
1:00 pm - June 5th 2008

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One of the more amusing things I’ve come across of late is the Twat-o-Tron, a rather delightful little comment bot by spEak You’re bRanes that…

Well, perhaps its best if I show the kind of stuff it automatically generates…

Oh god not this again!. IMO liberals are helping al-qaeda. The only solution is to send them packing. Simple!?!

BNP for UK ENGLISH AND PROUD

And…

I can’t believe where this country is headed!. did you know that the EU is trying to ‘save the planet’ again because the scottish mafia is running the country. End this madness now, get tough. This is Communism folks…!

Decent Chap Tunbridge Wells

Put to work in the right location, say for generating comments under articles at the Daily Mail, you’d figure that its stands a pretty good chance of passing the Turing Test.

Technology, as we know, doesn’t stand still for long and so it prove to be with the Twat-o-Tron which has rapidly moved on to version 2.0, which which has been codenamed ‘Guido Fawkes‘.

Sadly, this latest upgrade is showing clear signs of having a few bugs that need ironing out, particularly when it comes to it news input monitoring subroutines which are proving to be somewhat unreliable and prone to missing the odd story or two.

For example, over the last couple of days, the Guido-Bot has revived a horse that we’d all thought it had long-since flogged to death…

Smith Institute Used to Sell 42 Days

Strange that tomorrow evening of all days, in the middle of this effort to sell this most politically controversial security policy, Jacqui Smith is giving a speech on the issue to a Smith Institute invited audience…

The Smith Institute is supposed to be an independent charitable think tank, set up “to undertake research and education in issues that flow from the changing relationship between social values and economic imperatives”. The Smith Institute during the first (2001) investigation by the Charity Commission undertook to stick to its charitable objectives – education in social and economic issues. The second investigation, now into year two, is yet to report.

How does the Home Secretary pushing government security policy in this controversial government policy area constitute “education”? Her speech is on “How can the state adapt its traditional security approach to manage a new and wider range of threats?” “Lock people up for 42 days without trial” will, Guido suspects, be the answer.

This is not even in the charity’s remit and is completely incompatible with the Smith Institute’s charitable status and stated aims. It is merely a politically convenient platform provided for Jacqui Smith when no respectable think-tank would touch the issue…

…which turns out to be a horse that, today, gets yet another flogging:

Civil Service Swerves Jacqui’s 42 Days Speech Under Investigation Smith Institute Serves Speech

Guido drew attention yesterday to the Smith Institute giving a platform for Jacqui Smith to sell the 42 days policy. The Smith Institute is, as a tax-exempt charity, restricted from getting involved in politics or in matters not compatible with its charitable objectives. It is currently under investigation for a second time for breaches of the Charities Act.

So what was it doing last night? Any claim that the speech given by Jacqui Smith was non-political and made in her capacity as a government minister should be dismissed. Guido understands that senior civil servants ruled that it was a political speech – hence it was not reported or distributed via the official Government News Network or spun by civil service press officers. Quite correct and proper, she was after all making the case for a politically controversial policy.

However when the Guido-Bot’s monitoring subroutines are fed with only a slightly modified set of input parameters, for example if we change the name of the charity registered think-tank that the bot is asked to monitor to, for example, ‘Policy Exchange’ we find that the output is… well, it’s lacking a little something.

For example, if you feed the Guido-Bot this…

20th May: 11am. Nick Clegg MP Speech on Taxation at Policy Exchange

Policy Exchange will be hosting a major speech by the Leader of the Liberal Democrats on Tuesday 20th May at 11am sharp and would be delighted if you could join us. We are located at 10 Storey’s Gate, SW1P 3AY, next to the QEII conference centre.

Nick Clegg will set out his vision for a simpler, fairer and more progressive tax system. He will challenge the Labour-Conservative consensus on the level of government spending and taxation, and set out plans for streamlining government spending in the future and reducing tax for low and middle income families.

Then the output you get is this…

And much the same thing also happens when you input this…

George Osborne on Principles of Tax Reform

Speech by George Osborne at Policy Exchange, Friday 15th February 2008

And this…

William Hague – The European project and democratic consent: disconnection or disengagement?

In a speech to Policy Exchange today, entitled: The European project and democratic consent: disconnection or disengagement? Shadow Foreign Secretary, William Hague will say:

“I want to talk today about the choices on Europe facing our country. We are now in the middle of a long debate in Parliament about the Treaty of Lisbon – or the renamed EU Constitution as it is better known. Most attention has been focused on what is set to happen if this Treaty comes into force. But I should like to use this speech to think about the opportunities for Britain and the EU as a whole if, first, the British people were given the referendum they were promised and, secondly, if voters used that referendum to reject the Treaty.

And this as well…

The Rt Hon David Cameron MP on the ‘challenges of a growing population’

The world is on the brink of a demographic revolution and it is going to start here in Europe. To a much greater degree than most of us have yet grasped, our future prosperity and security is going to depend on demography. Yet population change still gets much less attention than climate change, even though we can be more certain both that it will happen and of what its consequences are likely to be.

Early next year Policy Exchange will publish a new report setting out the figures and projections, identify the winners and losers, and examine the potential problems and conflicts that are likely to result from the coming upheaval.

As part of the build-up to the report, the Leader of the Opposition, The Rt. Hon. David Cameron, spoke on the challenges of a growing population in the UK.

All of which is rather curious when it seem apparent that the Guido-Bot’s logic circuits have been programmed to with the proposition that charities are restricted from getting involved in politics. On a related note, it also appears the Guido-Bot built in spurious complaint generator is also on the blink and fails to recognise the words ‘Policy Exchange’ as well.

On the whole, then, I really can’t recommend that anyone upgrade to the Twat-o-Tron V2.0, especially as there little sign of a service pack on the way and the Version 3 beta, which has been codenamed ‘Iain Dale’ seems to suffer from much the same problems with it input monitoring, processing and output subroutines.

So if I were you, I’d to version 1 for the time being as at least it functions exactly as advertised.

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About the author
'Unity' is a regular contributor to Liberal Conspiracy. He also blogs at Ministry of Truth.
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Reader comments


1. Sunny Hundal

Well, its obvious on what I’ve been banging on about for ages – he is loyal to the Tories, even though he pretends to take aim at all politicians.

The Smith Institute stuff really is quite boring. But its funny to see him so excited over it.

2. Nick

You make a good point. Although it would be more accurate to say he is biased towards the Tories rather than loyal to them (just look at his coverage today!). Also, policy exchange hosted the leader of a different party to the Tories as you point out. Has the Sith?

3. Praguetory

This is hilarious. When you guys set this resource up, you admitted that much of the inspiration is drawn from Guido’s and other right of centre websites that dominated and continue to dominate the British blogosphere. Your aim (apart from rounding up all the idiots in one place) was to seek to work as a team to promote Lefty causes online. Nil pretensions of balance.

GF’s attacks are aimed on stupid statists, abuse of position and politicians at the trough. And that’s why I thoroughly support all he has done, regardless of the party affiliation of the targets.

4. BenSix

“GF’s attacks are aimed on stupid statists, abuse of position and politicians at the trough.”

And bloggers…

5. Unity

Mouth in gear, brain in neutral as usual I see, Praguetory.

Two thing I should point out here…

1. This piece is intended to be mildly humourous and just a little satirical, and…

2. If any does want a serious point or two then these are

a) That, as I’ve shown, the Smith Institute did nothing in hosting the Home Secretary’s talk that Policy Exchange hasn’t also been doing, and

b) That Guido’s incessant whining about the Smith Institute is both a busted flush and only going to prove to be rather an embarrassment in the long run as he just doesn’t understand how the Charity Commission operate.

Oh, and if anyone hasn’t come across PT before, then you’ve just met the Twat-o-Tron version 0.5 beta.

6. Unity

Oh, PT – mustn’t forget to mention that the guy I know who had a prang is still looking for someone to sort him out…

…is it okay if he gives you call?

7. Sunny Hundal

And that’s why I thoroughly support all he has done, regardless of the party affiliation of the targets.

PragueTory, that is exactly why you support him.

Nick: Has the Sith?

Why should it be under any obligation to host people of other parties? As far as I can see, Policy Exchange hosts members of other parties as long as they follow its own agenda. That’s hardly balance either.

8. Nina

“GF’s attacks are aimed on stupid statists, abuse of position and politicians at the trough”

Like s*** they are. Guido’s attacks have always been disproportionately aimed at the Smith institute, every little thing they do is a melodrama for him, it’s ridiculous.

9. douglas clark

Just asking.

Aren’t Policy Exchange the total idiots that Jeremy Paxton showed to be disingenuous?

So why is anyone giving them any credibility?

Now.

Like, in post credibility crumble?

10. BenSix

douglas,

Yes, you’ve summed it up as concisely as anyone.

However, the organisation is teeming with Tories and has advocated a brand of ‘compassionate’ Conservatism, so their output is as good an indication as any of the policies of our future government.

11. Sunny Hundal

Heh, ok PragueTory, time to pack up the toys and leave.

The point of the article is clear enough. There’s little point in trolling and wasting our precious bandwidth.

12. BenSix

Apologies for tossing a bone to the troll.

Here’s a nice way to contrast Guido’s coverage of think tanks.

The Smith Institute is essentially the New World Order…
http://www.order-order.com/2008/06/smith-institute-used-to-sell-42-days.html
http://www.order-order.com/2007/01/gordons-non-partisan-non-political.html
http://www.order-order.com/2007/04/sith-polly-advised-sith-on-legend-for.html
http://www.order-order.com/2006/12/surprise-smith-institute-plans-more.html

While Policy Exchange ‘could be said to be really backing David Cameron’, but that’s fairly irrelevant as they have lovely parties…
http://www.order-order.com/2005/11/wonk-watch-whos-backing-who.html
http://www.order-order.com/2006/12/policy-exchange-christmas-party.html

Of course, Guido occasionally has valid criticisms, but it would be silly for anyone to call him non-partisan.

13. Nick

“Policy Exchange hosts members of other parties as long as they follow its own agenda.”

Think tanks and other charities are permitted their own agenda, unless you would, just as an example, demand that Marie Stopes distribute anti-abortion literature to “balance” out its other work. What think tanks are not permitted to do (and which I agree many on both sides often end up doing) is support specific party causes. They can have an agenda but they can’t be partisan – an important distinction. If PE hosts anyone regardless of party affiliation who supports their agenda, then they are operating legitimately. The Sith do not seem to.

14. Letters From A Tory

Anyone who actually reads Guido’s blog on a regular basis (as opposed to being selective about what material to cite) will know that he regularly turns on the Conservatives – two examples being he was quick out of the blocks to lambast Giles Chichester and he heavily criticised Cameron over his own expenses claims.

Guido hates corrupt politicians and organisations. It really is that simple.

http://lettersfromatory.wordpress.com

15. BenM

Ha Ha! Sith!

Just drop the “m” from “Smith Institute” and you’ve got the sinister race/organisation portrayed in Star Wars!

Geddit?!

Is this really the level of Tory attacks on Labour? The stupid party are still the stupid party it seems.

And LFAT – we all hate corrupt politicians. But Paul Staines’s “hatred” is simply projection!

16. Wilhelmine Lucette

Free Europe? Vote YES at http://www.FreeEurope.info !


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