Richard Desmond happy with High Court win


7:56 am - July 24th 2009

by Jamie Sport    


Tweet       Share on Tumblr

Richard Desmond, philanthropist, pornographer, adherent of Godwin’s Law, and Great Architect of The Daily Express was jubilant last night after spending a jolly few weeks socking it to silly biographers in the High Court.

Desmond, once described as ‘an appalling man’ by Britain’s most appalling man, told his own newspaper: “It was worth it to stand up in court and set the record straight”, apparently unaware that he’d actually lost the case.

A source said: “Won, lost, Rich doesn’t care about details. He enjoyed the banter in court and wasted a lot of Bower’s time and money. He’s happy.”

In an exclusive interview, The Express reported their commander-in-chief to be ‘satisfied’ that the three weeks of legal posturing had come to an end. Desmond, a close friend of Mr. Burns, is understood to be delighted with the minuscule £1.25m costs involved in trying to scare a man he didn’t like with Britain’s fine libel laws.

The newspaper baron also revealed that the case had been brought largely because he didn’t like the thought of uppity writers disrespecting him, not because he actually cared what had been written on page 337 of a book about someone else.

“[Tom Bower’s] biggest mistake was in thinking I would not go to court,” Desmond growled in his best Vito Corleone impersonation, before muttering something about horses’ heads and Conrad Black.

He is thought to be “totally over” pursuing personal vendettas by printing libellous articles about enemies in his newspapers, and is looking forward to settling all future disagreements in the finely upholstered environs of High Court instead.

  Tweet   Share on Tumblr   submit to reddit  


About the author
Jamie is a blogger. He spends an unhealthy amount of time reading newspapers he doesn't agree with and runs the satirical Daily Quail blog.
· Other posts by


Story Filed Under: Blog ,Humour ,Media

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.


Reader comments


1. Daniel Hoffmann-Gill

You’re a funny man Jamie, as funny as Richard Desmond is fucking vile.

2. jailhouselawyer

Surely, it was Dirty Desmond’s biggest mistake thinking he could win a case just because he has more money than Tom Bowers?

3. Sunny H

It’s amazing how delusional this man actually is. Just amazing. Funny piece Jamie.

4. Andy Gilmour

Apparently the thing he likes being called least is a pornographer. It would be a shame to state that “Richard Desmond is a pornographer” as many times as possible. Eventually it might start turning up on Google, etc quite a lot? (is that how such things work??) Unless “Richard Desmond is a pornographer” already does appear high up the rankings and with great regularity already?

Hang on, I’ll have a quick search for “Richard Desmond is a pornographer”…

Hmmm, quite a few for “Richard Desmond is a pornographer”.

I wonder if “Richard Desmond is a liar and a pornographer” might turn out the same?

Ah, Septicisle comes out top!

So
Richard Desmond is a liar and a pornographer
or
Richard Desmond is a pornographer and a liar

which has a better ring to it?

hmmm.

5. Alex

Richard Desmond is a pornographer!

Yes it’s true.

I was sat there, using my brand new iPhone, when I realised that Richard Desmond is a pornographer! The Daily Express is into porn! The crafty bastard likes his Asian Babes! Richard Desmond is a pornographer! But is Richard Desmond is a liar and a pornographer, or is Richard Desmond is a pornographer and a liar? Richard Desmond is definitely a liar and one thing we are sure we know is that Richard Desmond is a pornographer!

Phew!


Reactions: Twitter, blogs
  1. Liberal Conspiracy

    Article: Richard Desmond happy with High Court win http://bit.ly/168tKX

  2. Tim Ireland

    RT @libcon Article: Richard Desmond happy with High Court win http://bit.ly/168tKX

  3. anotherwhitemug.com

    Liberal Conspiracy » Richard Desmond happy with High Court win- The BNP’s lies in Norwich North by Cath Elliot… http://bit.ly/C9Jfk

    [Original tweet]

  4. Sunder Katwala

    V.funny Express ‘paper of record’ coverage of Desmond libel defeat http://tiny.cc/PJnTN hat tip Jamie Sport http://tiny.cc/wOXzO

    [Original tweet]

  5. Liberal Conspiracy

    Article: Richard Desmond happy with High Court win http://bit.ly/168tKX

    [Original tweet]

  6. Tim Ireland

    RT @libcon Article: Richard Desmond happy with High Court win http://bit.ly/168tKX

    [Original tweet]

  7. anotherwhitemug.com

    Liberal Conspiracy » Richard Desmond happy with High Court win- The BNP’s lies in Norwich North by Cath Elliot… http://bit.ly/C9Jfk

    [Original tweet]





Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.